Good morning everyone!! Now that I have gone through 18 months of "comments" about my daughter not attending college and just being here at home while working part time, I have learned that this is a very controversial topic. This is even controversial among homeschoolers and stay at home moms. Are you a stay at home mom? Are you proud to be at home? What are your values? Do you secretly wish that you were not at home or do you just want more material things so you see college as a tool to get that? What are you plans for your daughter's life? Do you have college automatically assumed to be in her future? Tough questions right?
Well, here is "our" take on this that has caused such a controversy and I would like to hear from you on this subject. I am not going to debate my views but I just like to hear what others think. First of all, as a Christian that serves the Lord Jesus Christ, I have to trust in God's Word first. Before we go into the "sermon" part of this, let me say that the scripture does NOT, NOT, NOT forbid a girl from obtaining a college degree.
With that said, let's look at scriptures for the young ladies today since that is my own personal experience.
Titus 2:3 thru 5
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. KJV
If you are not a follower of Christ, that is ok. All of us know as women that whether we stay at home to work or work outside of the home, the HOME ultimately is still our domain and if it is going to be cleaned, most of the time, it falls to women. The Lord requires that we learn this first. When your daughters are in Jr. High and Highschool, most of them have plenty of opportunities to learn to be discreet, wouldn't you agree? They may not learn it but they opportunity is there.
However, we are failing as a generation to teach the new generation of young women to cook, clean and manage a household. Managing a household includes managing to live under one income even if there are two. Managing the budget for food, menu planning for not just frugal savings but health. Making sure schedules are adhered to, paying the bills, etc, etc. Many of you may argue that they will learn when they are on their own but why chance it? Why not give your daughters at least one year to see that what you have made look easy all these years, is not so easy? Why not let her see that the reason your house is never perfectly clean is because some people continually leave a trail in the home unless you pick it up?
Our reasons for not encouraging our first daughter to seek out college were multifaceted. She has been "puny" for years and we finally learned that she is severely allergic to gluten. Her endocrine system has been compromised over the years and her adrenal glands were not registering on the doctor's blood work. How do we get her feeling well enough to make it through a semester without missing classes? When she attended public school, we got the truancy notice because she had been ill so much. We never had any other notes because we had doctor's excuses everytime. That is a small part of why we decided to homeschool but that is another topic.
When we moved her to gluten free In January of this year, wow!! She started improving but within a month she tried to do loads of activities plus add a daily workout called INSANITY. It made her ill again. So the journey without college started there. During the first 12 months out of college, she realized just how much we have been doing and what her limits were. She learned to seek out the Lord even when angry. She learned how to not only cook but to cook fabulous meals gluten free. She learned that she can't do it all and she needs rest at times. She is learning that when you stay at home, it is tiring but rewarding. She learned that as a woman, her physical abilities won't always be dedicated to herself but to others which will take its nasty toll on her. She learned that a college degree will enable her to have a lucrative career but she might have to put off that career for family.
She is ready to not only attend college but to do it in as frugal a manner as possible. She only wants to attend college if she can leave college with NO DEBT. She knows that leaving even with a student loan, means that she is hostage to the workplace which can limit her choices. She is learning even this week that when you do get married and start that family, her life may be placed on hold to get the baby(ies) here safely. Just this week one of her long time friends was airlifted to Children's in Little Rock at 32 weeks of pregnancy because there are complications with her unborn twins. (Please keep them in your prayers). She really sees all of this now and now, now she has a different attitude towards college. She wants to CLEP out of as much as possible. Money saved. She wants to raise her ACT 2 points higher to get that 4 year scholarship. She wants to get her basics at a local community college. Money saved, Money saved. Yes, she would qualify for a grant but she really wants to pay for her degree on her own. We will still encourage her to apply for grants when she finishes all her CLEP tests. She knows that much like our current financial situation, her choice of degree could make the difference in her children eating or not some day. She also knows that she wants to stay at home WHEN she has children so she has a different mindset of what to look for in a mate than she had 2 years ago. So now she is working towards college with no debt at her own pace.
Did you notice the tone of this article went from what a PARENT's goals are for the child to the new young ADULT making these life changing decisions. That was my goal, to guide her to a responsible decision process. Will she ever get that degree? Probably so. Will she squander her time spent at college on the party scene and skipping classes to act stupid? Most likely not because it is her money, her time, her effort solely. Will she use it everyday for the rest of her life? Probably not. Will she seek out a man that is interested in working hard to provide for her and their future children? I think so. Learning to seek out the best decisions was the goal for me and we are achieving it. Finally, will our daughters be perfect? NO, NO and NO!!!! She has made a lot of mistakes but she has not revisited them because she is learning.
Is this the best way to raise a daughter?
I don't have the answer for your family. The best way to raise your daughter is to decide how much of you that she needs and how much of the world she needs become. My husband and I can only decide for our family and we will only held accountable for our family.
When you are thinking about all of this, consider this one fact and we will see later how this ties in....A society must have about 2.1 live births per family just to sustain itself. Without the Latino population, the current American Society would crumble. Do you like America? You might want to consider instilling the mothering love in your daughter's hearts first before you instill working for the world values. The can co-exist in a relationship but you don't want it to necessarily be a symbiotic relationship. Think on that for a while.
See ya later!!!
Well, here is "our" take on this that has caused such a controversy and I would like to hear from you on this subject. I am not going to debate my views but I just like to hear what others think. First of all, as a Christian that serves the Lord Jesus Christ, I have to trust in God's Word first. Before we go into the "sermon" part of this, let me say that the scripture does NOT, NOT, NOT forbid a girl from obtaining a college degree.
With that said, let's look at scriptures for the young ladies today since that is my own personal experience.
Titus 2:3 thru 5
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. KJV
If you are not a follower of Christ, that is ok. All of us know as women that whether we stay at home to work or work outside of the home, the HOME ultimately is still our domain and if it is going to be cleaned, most of the time, it falls to women. The Lord requires that we learn this first. When your daughters are in Jr. High and Highschool, most of them have plenty of opportunities to learn to be discreet, wouldn't you agree? They may not learn it but they opportunity is there.
However, we are failing as a generation to teach the new generation of young women to cook, clean and manage a household. Managing a household includes managing to live under one income even if there are two. Managing the budget for food, menu planning for not just frugal savings but health. Making sure schedules are adhered to, paying the bills, etc, etc. Many of you may argue that they will learn when they are on their own but why chance it? Why not give your daughters at least one year to see that what you have made look easy all these years, is not so easy? Why not let her see that the reason your house is never perfectly clean is because some people continually leave a trail in the home unless you pick it up?
Our reasons for not encouraging our first daughter to seek out college were multifaceted. She has been "puny" for years and we finally learned that she is severely allergic to gluten. Her endocrine system has been compromised over the years and her adrenal glands were not registering on the doctor's blood work. How do we get her feeling well enough to make it through a semester without missing classes? When she attended public school, we got the truancy notice because she had been ill so much. We never had any other notes because we had doctor's excuses everytime. That is a small part of why we decided to homeschool but that is another topic.
When we moved her to gluten free In January of this year, wow!! She started improving but within a month she tried to do loads of activities plus add a daily workout called INSANITY. It made her ill again. So the journey without college started there. During the first 12 months out of college, she realized just how much we have been doing and what her limits were. She learned to seek out the Lord even when angry. She learned how to not only cook but to cook fabulous meals gluten free. She learned that she can't do it all and she needs rest at times. She is learning that when you stay at home, it is tiring but rewarding. She learned that as a woman, her physical abilities won't always be dedicated to herself but to others which will take its nasty toll on her. She learned that a college degree will enable her to have a lucrative career but she might have to put off that career for family.
She is ready to not only attend college but to do it in as frugal a manner as possible. She only wants to attend college if she can leave college with NO DEBT. She knows that leaving even with a student loan, means that she is hostage to the workplace which can limit her choices. She is learning even this week that when you do get married and start that family, her life may be placed on hold to get the baby(ies) here safely. Just this week one of her long time friends was airlifted to Children's in Little Rock at 32 weeks of pregnancy because there are complications with her unborn twins. (Please keep them in your prayers). She really sees all of this now and now, now she has a different attitude towards college. She wants to CLEP out of as much as possible. Money saved. She wants to raise her ACT 2 points higher to get that 4 year scholarship. She wants to get her basics at a local community college. Money saved, Money saved. Yes, she would qualify for a grant but she really wants to pay for her degree on her own. We will still encourage her to apply for grants when she finishes all her CLEP tests. She knows that much like our current financial situation, her choice of degree could make the difference in her children eating or not some day. She also knows that she wants to stay at home WHEN she has children so she has a different mindset of what to look for in a mate than she had 2 years ago. So now she is working towards college with no debt at her own pace.
Did you notice the tone of this article went from what a PARENT's goals are for the child to the new young ADULT making these life changing decisions. That was my goal, to guide her to a responsible decision process. Will she ever get that degree? Probably so. Will she squander her time spent at college on the party scene and skipping classes to act stupid? Most likely not because it is her money, her time, her effort solely. Will she use it everyday for the rest of her life? Probably not. Will she seek out a man that is interested in working hard to provide for her and their future children? I think so. Learning to seek out the best decisions was the goal for me and we are achieving it. Finally, will our daughters be perfect? NO, NO and NO!!!! She has made a lot of mistakes but she has not revisited them because she is learning.
Is this the best way to raise a daughter?
I don't have the answer for your family. The best way to raise your daughter is to decide how much of you that she needs and how much of the world she needs become. My husband and I can only decide for our family and we will only held accountable for our family.
When you are thinking about all of this, consider this one fact and we will see later how this ties in....A society must have about 2.1 live births per family just to sustain itself. Without the Latino population, the current American Society would crumble. Do you like America? You might want to consider instilling the mothering love in your daughter's hearts first before you instill working for the world values. The can co-exist in a relationship but you don't want it to necessarily be a symbiotic relationship. Think on that for a while.
See ya later!!!
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